Last night, while you were standing at the bar sipping your handcrafted, muddled cocktail chuck-chuck-chuckling away at the moronic Millennialism’s of that Boston University grad student—the one you met on that site where the attractive and permanently indebted sell their souls to rich phonies like yourself—you experienced one of those involuntary…shivers.
This was not an errant chill, the winter seeping through the exposed brickwork of the craft distillery, or a manifestation of subconscious remorse. No, your Wolf Of Wall Street persona is impregnable, everything sacrificed for that Jamie Dimon smirk.
Instead, this was a premonition, a momentary shift in the time/space plates of our multi-universe presenting you with a glimpse into The Reckoning: Larry Kudlow Will Ignite The Long Prophesied Global Financial Apocalypse...
Yes, even when you returned to your luxury loft with The Grad Student to perform your Brazzer’s fantasies, there were ominous intrusions, whispers of doom and gloom at your ear, those cartoonish, ghostly fingers luring you to the screen of your laptop, where, naked and dribbling, you sat and prayed that your magnificently curated portfolio had yet to be Black Monday’d.
Since 2001, inveterate Wall Street plunderer, you’ve secretly prepared for the Apocalypse by burrowing into the underground works of Austrian Economists, Max Keiser YouTube clips and subscriptions to all the Schiffian boom and bust newsletters you could possibly read.
Because, at some point, these prognosticators of doom and gloom, who’ve made a fortune peddling their newsletters, blogs and hysterics, will eventually be vindicated. Probably. Sometime. In The Future. You know, around that time Trump undergoes a feeble, Clinton-like impeachment.
Until then, you will continue to strategize and leverage the volatility, professionally adhering to your Keynesian methods and Krugmanisms, while privately, you will fortify and mitigate with Gold, Bitcoin and arcane passages from Mises…and in your underground shelter, Bullets and Beer.
But, as you, The Davos Crowd, Politicians and even the hucksters of Doom, await the demise of The System, you will all continue to profit.
I mean, who really wants to Bring Down The System?
Because, the kids gotta be rich, too, right? Gotta keep that Ivy League, Washington DC genetic lineage intact! Only the perfect few can Rule!
And, when that slush of debt, interest rates and magical-thinking-accounting called The Market finally does implode, threatening to annihilate the plebeians pensions, 401k’s and meager savings, President Bernie Sander’s will just unleash the printing presses of The Federal Reserve. Because, quantitative easing works, right?
King Dollar for all!