Without exceptional ability or prescience, I’ve been fortunate to navigate and profit from the last twenty years of Wall Street volatility. During this period, I held no contrarian beliefs, nor was I invited into some sort of arcane scholarship, like a Hogwarts for Wall Streeters.
Now, I don’t want you to think I’m being modest or self-deprecating to disguise my raging ego. Yes, I do have some mental dexterity: I’m able to recognize patterns, interpret them and then maneuver efficiently to maximize profitability.
I guess, after reading that last sentence, I’m perfectly efficient.
There has never been a harrowing day of trading where I drenched my Brooks Brothers suit in sweat or been lavished with a monstrous Goldman Sachs bonus.
If anything, over those years, I acquired a cult-like reputation for my middling success.
When I decamped for Silicon Valley, I was whispered as being Zen-like. A humble savant whose pedestrian expertise yielded millions and vaunted a few into billions.
You’re now chuckling, This Guy Is Simply Lucky… Right Career. Right Place, Right Time.
But, in this period of our culture, where artistry, nuanced thinking and expertise has been ousted for the immediacy of social media influence, I’m in an evermore lucrative position.
You’ve seen how many followers I’ve accumulated, haven’t you?
It’s a sizable cluster of technologists, venture capitalists, Wall Streeters, Blue Check Mark personalities and the inquisitive who all ferociously interact and circulate my pontifications.
I call them pontifications because the majority of my life has been spent in the privileged strata’s of Wall Street and Silicon Valley where my mind has been saturated in numerical analysis, affording me little interest—and, momentary incentive—in art, philosophy, religion and politics. To the sophisticated mind, my tweets will seem like shallow, CliffsNotes-like interpretations of culture and world events.
And, they are.
But, to continue this ruse as some enlightened mind, I embellish my deficiencies with specialized jargon, acronyms and whatever else is resonating within the prevailing culture.
(Social media accounts which attempt to undermine my credibility are quickly blocked or pummeled into obedience by my following…who, in their collectivist rage, will demand the offending account be banned.)
Recently, I’ve begun a tweet campaign where I post a news article without commenting on its subject matter. This vagueness conveys a sense of mystery, as if I have insider information that I must withhold, but, by tweeting this, I’m allowing my followers a glimpse, a clue to sacred knowledge.
Because of my stature as an influencer, I have been selected to leak certain information from unnamed sources. These reveals often create chaos within journalistic circles on social media and intensify the already disjointed, unreliable nature of facts in this age of fake news.
(Someone like myself, with a limited, but strong influential scope is often selected for these types of media leaks because it increases the narrative of “The Populace’s Growing Distrust In Mainstream Media.” I’ve been told, by other influencers who pivot into this gorilla journalist, social media personality, that it’s incredibly lucrative when one is employed by certain organizations.)
Also, I admit, I have been approached, on numerous occasions, by certain organizations to promote cultural, social and political narratives. For a hefty sum, I’m directed to craft talking points into digestible, trendable tweets.
Of course, these crafted agendas must appear organic, interspersed throughout my own tweets so as not to appear abnormal.
(Yes, there are representatives of these organizations that monitor my timeline for compliance.)
Currently, I’m financing and mentoring an ambitious collective of programmers and robotic engineers who are utilizing artificial intelligence to create a cast of social media celebrities. Over the last few years, we’ve perfected these personas on such platforms as Twitter and Facebook where very little of the human element is needed to convince the audience of their authenticity, other than having a message that conforms to the audience member’s own personal bias.
We’re currently in beta with a political, YouTube persona. This DeepFake personality uploads on a bi-weekly schedule with a remarkable subscriber base of 10,000.
Also, before I leave you, I would like to transmit a bit of a warning: In the future, 100% of all internet traffic and content will be produced by algorithmic bots.
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