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I'm JM Fisher, Writer & Host Of The Weekly Cynic Podcast.

I'm Currently Available For All Projects Relating To Blogging, Articles & Editing.

Sunday, Scoffs And Smirks: Edition 2

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A Newsletter That’s Not A Newsletter…

A Scoffing, Smirking Review Of The Week

On The Young, Retail Serfdom And Technolgy

The other day, my iPhone blurted with a notification, a text message transmitted through the Corporate monopolized cellular network.

A friend had sent a news article from BoingBoing.

I was bewildered: BoingBoing still existed?

And if it did, was it just rotting Internet wreckage, a rusted haul on a digital shoreline, this article some excavated artifact—

No, godammnit, shut-up and just read it… Was the grunted text response from my friend.

I smirked at the article’s subject matter, a disgruntled GenZ’er retail serf recording his cathartic overhead speaker farewell-fuck-you-I-quit diatribe…

I and my friend empathized with the GenZ’er, ourselves having long undergone the soul battering conditions of retail.

But, did the lad comprehend the ramifications of his outburst? How he may have doomed his longterm chances in the Alberta job market? How can such a freethinker be entrusted with the simplistic drudgery of stocking shelves? How can a Leader, that lackey of indoctrinated Corporatized MBA ideology, even entertain the possibility of hiring this rebel, someone who could not only circumvent all those tidy and precious Policy and Procedures, but embolden all the other peons to expect dignity?

And, most importantly, when will The Young realize that their existence is not dependent on Technology glorifying their lives and antics? That being viral is just another virus that infects and permeates the populace with mindless content, another commodity for YouTube algorithms, another face captured into an Orwellian database?

I wish I could blame it on the vanity of Millennials, their infatuation with immortalizing themselves into pixels and downloads, but this shit started—in the modern incarnation—with Johnny Knoxville and all that Jackassery…


The Wealthy & Their Diets

Business Insider, BuzzFeed for Silicon Valley Millennials who need their financial and political news to be ever more diluted to the insipid and concise, have Pinterested this invaluable article on aspirational eating… I mean, the article was written by an Innovation Intern so you know its gonna be insulting to anyone 40 years and older. (Sometime in the very near future, I’m expecting listicle articles like this to be authored and compiled by AI Algorithms.)

At one time, the diets of the wealthy elite could be symbolized by the gaunt, nearly anorexic frames of the New Yorker, Anna Wintour acolyte class.

Now, in our Silicon Valley Age Of Wealth, our technocratic nobility must look slim, trim and innocuous in their Northface and Ralph Lauren while attending Women Innovators night at the newest micro-brewery in San Francisco… Oops, let’s not forget to mention lookin’ good in those tailored suits while CSPAN records their Congressional testimonies on censoring self-styled truth-seekers refuting the tyranny of NGO funded Twitter activism… i.e. white Ivy League trust funder activism.

Anyway, this is a different kind of healthy, not that pale, Martini and saltine cracker diet of our Manhattan Banker elite. This is an inclusive and diverse lifestyle, one all about trends, fads and whatever their Yoga instructor preaches.

If one believes the rigorous Survey Monkey methodology of this study—Nassim Nicholas Taleb is eye rolling over his plate of squid ink—it’s all calorie restricting and low carbin’, bitchez.

13.8% of respondents want to eat less meat, but that’s kinda impossible since butchers are suddenly so Millennial, Chowhound cool!

(Just like all the cool, hip, bearded barbers!)

Also, ordering a slab of raw, blood oozing animal asserts your stature among the bearded, IPA micro-brewery crowd.

(Just like all the cool, hip, bearded barbers!)

Don’t laugh, only 11.5% are seeking a Gluten Free path to Big Sur enlightenment.

And, only 8% are seeking a Vegetarian and Mediterranean diet.

None of this is interesting of course, except for our Innovator Intern’s haphazard photo selection.

For an article entitled The Most Popular Diets Wealthy People Want To Try Next Year, this sure doesn’t seem to represent the monied socio-economic demographic of this article, does it?

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Maybe our wealthy elite are just slumming it for the day, eh?

The Tesla was kept within the climate controlled garage so that vintage 1986 Ford Bronco could get its engine zoomed on over to the SuperCenter?

(Believe me, this Bronco ain’t vintage: it’s rust scared, floor-board rotted and hunting season bloodied, along with a fully stocked gun rack.)

And, what about those shoes, huh?

Yup, sometimes its nice to get comfy! Get the feet snuggly-wuggly stuffed into those bulky black Payless sales specials!

Oh, where’s the flip-phone belt holder on that guy, anyway?


The Libertarian Love For New York City

Ah, humans and the gullible allure of The Big Apple.

Another romanticized ballad about being inspired and energized by the herds of shallow, rapacious and sanctimonious elite, who in their gilded towers, marble sanctuaries and brownstones issue cultural and political edicts on how the 99% of America must live.

Okay, Okay, this wasn’t one of those rambles, per se, but rather an ode to the emergent order of the city, an Austrian economist love-fest with the symbiotic nature of human ingenuity and the free market.

But, doesn’t this whole sentimental, bright lights big city belief betray the reality of New York City’s free market, how imperiled it is by the hijackers of Crony Capitalism?

Have these Austrian’s never read Jeremiah Moss’ excellent blog and now book Vanishing New York?

The old red and white checkered table-cloths of mom-and-pop Little Italy has been vanquished from decades of do-gooderist rent controlling and de Blasio faux progressivism.

The emergent order is a crony capitalist paradise: Big Bankers, Big Real Estate and Big NYC Government colluding to transform the city into a Big Box, Asset-Stripped hellscape of Gentrification.

(Of course, our Austrian Libertarians love Gentrification)

Oh, Ocasio-Cortez isn’t going to save your black-and-white, Colin Quinn mythical immigrant utopia, either…

And, just wait until Amazon, along with its Crony Capitalist Pals, initiates the final phase of New York City: A Jeff Bezos Dystopia Of Amazon Drone Delivery And Orwellian Surveillance State.

The Generational Elite of the city will be unfazed, of course. They will have an obedient, Universal Basic Income workforce at their disposal.

Note:

I’ve learned a lot from the Austrian Economists I’ve satirically poked in this piece.

But, when it comes to the Gentrification of New York City and other large cities, there seems to be a curious disconnect.

Gentrification stems from the Austrian Economists most despised rival, The Central Banker. That whole trickle down effect ignites these economic developments, benefiting The Ruling Class and their obedient workforce in Media, Academia and Banking.

Unlike—in my own definition—Revitalization, which organically grows from local business and community leaders, people who have true skin in the game for creating a balanced, inclusive and self-sustaining community. Sure, sure, businesses will come and go as technology advances and populations evolve, but there is an understanding that the community benefits everyone, instead of a rent-seeking, asset-stripping class who wish to exploit and monetize all human life.

Like Bill Hicks said, Stop Putting A Goddamn Dollar Sign On Everything…


And, Finally: Rachel McAdams & Millennialist Feminism…

This week, actress and working mom—the persistent ploy of equalizing Hollywood to the 99% is astounding, mind numbing hypocrisy, but hey, whatever gets the duped masses to the theater, right?—Rachel McAdams was praised for being brave, fierce and glamorous in her latest magazine photo-shoot. McAdams, a recent mom, boldly and daringly wore a Versace bra—Versace, the outfitter for working moms everywhere—with breast pumps attached.

Yes, Millennials everywhere vaunted McAdams into a new role as ally and activist for de-stigmatizing and normalizing breast feeding.

(Facepalm)

I’m not really sure when this became a movement for the aggrieved…

I remember those 1990s Christian Coalition moralists bemoaning public breast feeding as pornographic…

And, yes, it is jarring to witness this in public, but not at all…titillating. (teehee)

Was it the fear mongering Medical Community? You know, they love stripping humans of the natural and replacing it with science.

We should be celebrating breast feeding for what it is: a natural, and intimate moment, a bond between mother and child, not some rule-for-living promulgated by the vacuous moralizing of Hollywood hypocrites.

(Remember, kids, Actors and Actresses are paid to recite words written by other people)

Also, not filling our newborns with GMO, high fructose corn syrup science approved baby formula.

Anyway, I’m not really sure how this photo-shoot is empowering.

It’s the same high art, haute couture set-up that I’ve been seeing since my 20s: A blank faced model/actress, their eyes of that muted-far-away-stare as if they were MK Ultra victims or had just seen Harvey Weinstein naked, with their legs posed excruciatingly, revealingly wide.

These photo-shoots always have a vague undercurrent of S&M initiation.

They seem, for the model and actress, demeaning more than empowering.

But, hey, that’s the Hollywood facade…


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As always,

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

And, Stay Cynical, My Friends.


Sunday, Scoffs And Smirks: Edition 3

Dot-Com Crash 2.0: A Dystopia