A Newsletter That’s Not A Newsletter…
A Scoffing, Smirking Review Of The Week
The Saviors Of Journalism: The Death Spirals Of GenX & Millennialist Newsmakers
When I was a Young Lad, I enjoyed the querulous, pedantic and loquacious theatrics of CNN’s Crossfire, particularly when it was the gruff Robert Novak and the dweebish Michael Kingsley. (Oh, I also remember when a young frat boy of bow-tied New England Aristocracy would pontificate…*cough* Tucker Carlson)
But, in 1995, Michael Kingsley departed CNN, whisked off to Seattle by the riches of Microsoft to develop the inconceivable: an Internet Only political…site…magazine…journal…called SLATE.
Slate was one of the first websites I visited in 1996 when my family dialed up the Capital I internet.
In 2018, it’s a relic.
Just like dial-up internet.
Except for those troglodytes in Trumplandia.
Slate, like Salon and Gawker, became Millennialized: sacrificing rationality and objectivity—and 90s era irony, satire and skepticism—for myopic, overwrought self-righteous politicalization.
Yes, while GenX was preoccupied with venerating Kurt Cobain, Millennialist Silicon Valley nerdists, financed by a Market infused with 30 years of Central Banker fiat, began to erect their own disruptive media empires… Behold the spectacle of The Grey Lady stripped bare by the bean-bag chair, listicle fiends at Buzzfeed!
Oh, but, Reality Bites, my precious Millennialist arbiters of human thought, doesn’t it?
As Vanity Fair states in their article, Everyone’s For Sale with the delectable subtitle “Vice, Vox, and BuzzFeed, among other companies that once heralded the dawn of a new media age, are now grappling with decidedly old-media problems”—
Wait…just for a second, can I Medium’ize that subtitle?
Alright, here we go:
How Vice, Vox and BuzzFeed, Companies That Once Heralded The Dawn Of A New Media Age, Are Now Grabbling With Old-Media Problems…
Too Long? I mean all you gotta do is just add How, What and Why to any Medium.com article to accumulate at least 6,100 herd-minded claps. (shhhh…it should be stomps)
It doesn’t matter, because, either way, all these darlings are desperate. Their departments once bloated with Creative Writing MFA’ers have now been decimated. Their influence, once vaunted as global, is now being reduced to just one borough, one bar, one cocktail party of New York…
But, if they wouldn’t have allowed delusion to blur their judgement, they would have always known their audience was niche.
Jonah Peretti, chief Millennialist at Buzzfeed, envisions a gargantuan merger to stave off oblivion.
Or, is it for synergy!
Either way, this week, the Breitbartians slurped frothing das boots of schadenfreude.
So what’s the problem?
Pivoting toward video and podcasts simply resulted in failed ventures? (Yes)
The Millennialist obsession with elevating and infusing the trivial with Spark-Notes-like intellectualism? (Yes)
Activist, Revisionist History masquerading as News? (Uh-huh)
Everyone exhausted from Liberal—
Sorry, I mean Progressive…
Er, no, again, apologies, I mean, Leftist…
Nope. Lemme get this right, Ivy League Intellectual Bravado—
OK, I got it:
Everyone exhausted from Ideological Elitism? (Er, Yes)
But, really, it probably has something to do with all that Central Banker fiat that fed The Big City Bankers, which fed the Venture Capitalists, which fed the StartUp-Innovator-Intellectual-Savior Class.
All this money bloated the editorial and scribbler staffs of our Millennialist newsmakers…Not to mention salaries and Starbucks budgets. I mean, seriously, do you know how much it costs to rent out old warehouses with exposed brick and then equip them with retro lightening fixtures?
And, then, like all trickle down economics, things…started…to…tighten.
Ad revenue, which was always illusory, dissipated.
Suddenly, Keynesian deficit spending was no longer cool to the accountants, as bottom lines were scrutinized for that magical word… PROFIT.
A generation indoctrinated into Harvard-MBA-Leadership-TedX theory, were suddenly confronted with the reality of running a real business. You know, managing people! Like Taleb says, The Intellectual Yet Idiot…
Lest not forgot how many generations raised on the internet expect their news and entertainment for free.
Wait, you’ve been publishing content for, five, six, seven years for free and now you want to initiate a paywall?
Also, collectivism breeds intellectual and creative atrophy.
And, my precious darlings of Millennialist New Media, we’ve hit peak internet.
Dot Com Bust 2.0 is gonna be rad!
Oh, Oh! And to all the writers and editors at Slate, those bespectacled and perpetually aggrieved, your Union ain’t gonna save ya…
Better get that Substack Newsletter up and running! Ol’ Judd seems to be doin’ pretty good!
The Ballad Of Bannon & Robot Love
The global speaking extravagancy of Steven Bannon continues its improbable, ignominious lurch, waddle and hotel-bar-raiding—
Ah, who cares.
No, seriously, how the hell do Steve Bannon’s wealthy donor/financiers still think this chap is relevant?
(Oh, to be a fly on the Breitbart war-room wall back in the day, right? Bannon tossin’ emptied Tanqueray bottles at the frenetic, squeak-squeak-squeaking of Ben Shapiro…)
I mean, Bannon made occultist fascism cool for the whole tiki-torch brigade…
Also, I’m sure you didn’t know, but Stevie B is a thought-leader-advocate-ally for minorities in the computer entertainment industry.
"OVER THE PAST few weeks, a 15-year-old computer entertainment conference dissolved into controversy from which it may never recover after the organizers announced Steve Bannon, the former adviser to President Donald J. Trump and prominent right-wing figure in American politics, as a keynote speaker. The conference was subsequently cancelled after Bannon’s involvement drew vocal protests from scheduled speakers and attendees…The Advances in Computer Entertainment Technology conference (ACE) was supposed to take place from December 10 to 12 in Missoula, Montana. Bannon’s participation — ostensibly to speak about employment opportunities for minorities in the computing entertainment industry — was announced in late October.”
“The uproar over Bannon’s keynote also led to the cancellation of a sister conference, the 4th International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots(LSR), where scholars were to present research on wearable touch sensors, the moral psychology of sex robots, the effects of virtual relationships, and people’s feelings about intimacy with robots.”
Nothing to read here, kids…
“According to the ACE website, its main aim “is to stimulate discussion in the development of new and compelling entertainment computing and interactive art concepts and applications.”…ACE’s founder, Adrian Cheok, also serves as co-chair of the Congress on Love and Sex with Robots.”
Go On, you’re thinking…
“According to an email to Undark, Bob Sturm, a computer scientist at the Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden, “asked Cheok via tweet how the ACE 2018 committee made such a decision to invite Bannon,” and he questioned Bannon’s relevance to the conference. Sturm said Cheok blocked him before tweeting that Bannon “will give a very important talk about how economic nationalism will help minorities (blacks, Hispanics, etc.) to obtain more high tech jobs such as in computer entertainment industry.”
That’s right kids, an economy predicated on War, Imperialism and Propaganda will boost, empower and enrich those of generational poverty!
(JM, it worked for the Greatest Generation!)
The article is leaden with various intersectional references to Gamergate, Antifa, Programming Bias, Milo, Misogyny, Racism… you know, a Millennialist cornucopia of Twitter-thumb outrage…
But, hey, ‘bout that whole sex with roBUTS (or, is it roBUTTS?) thing?
Nah, it’s not important.
The transhumanist evolution of humanity (this Academic, Technocratic, Millennial Intellectual class inspired transformation) is meaningless when the virtuous few must combat the Alt-Righties.
I mean, Humanity’s reliance on Tech is empowering us, right? The invention of the smartphone helps us connect to the hive-mind of social media, enabling us to freely express ourselves and forge a deeper humanistic, even spiritual understanding (only for blonde, large breasted female Instagram Influencers) of our fellow humans, no matter their sexual, cultural or political identities, correct?
Let’s not worry how Tech is divisive, destructive, brain sapping, potentially cancerous and… isolating.
Humans would rather have sex than use their smartphone, right?
I mean, according to studies, articles and other assorted fake news, Millennials and GenZ’ers are making love all the time while navigating #metoo, consent culture, rape culture and Title IX!
Millennial men scoff at pornography!
Reproduction is off the charts, brah!
This whole United Nations population replacement is nonsense!
Remember, dear reader, The Future Is Not Human.
Sleep Texting (Yeah, it’s A Thing)
Wait, JM, she was sleep texting.
Well, according to the scare-mongering statistics of that Villanova University study—I mean, seriously, who takes any college for serious in Philly if it’s not Penn? I only trust elite academic institutions founded by boozy Masons — 1 IN 4 college debt slaves sleep text.
Our darling, nascent activists are apparently thumbing revolution meet-up times while under an “altered state of consciousness.”
Its gotta be all the stress, correct?
“People have gotten used to sleeping next to their devices,” said sleep specialist Dr. John Werber. “So subconsciously people are falling off to sleep and there may be some angst about communicating with someone or contacting someone.”
You probably keep your own smartphone on the bedroom night stand, its cellular pulsations infiltrating your brain throughout your meager night of sleep until its alarm app awakens you to another soul deadening day of career servitude.
(You ain’t that much different than these college kids…)
Why bother getting one of those old wind-up alarm clocks—okay, they can pretty vexing for The Young, but, hey, all things retro is cool, brah—or maybe a non-bluetooth, non-WiFi, non-smart digital clock?
Because, JM, Technology always advances! The free market incentives the entrepreneurial class to innovate! These marvelous, munificent and benevolent pioneers are not only rewarded by wealth, but the satisfaction of their creations benefiting all of Humanity!
Wow, thanks Libertarian Larry!
Never question Technology or its effects on Humanity, kids!
Wait, that’s what parent’s of kids who sleep text say!
Generations raised on the mesmerizing glow of screens…
It’s fine. Don’t question. A lotta people make big money off your ignorance and addiction…
France And The Yellow Vests Revolution
After The Battle Of Seattle, Occupy and now, Antifa, this little GenX anarchist is skeptical of mass insurrection.
Thoughts, ideas, philosophies, the motivation for a better world is often organic, but once the organizing (thanks, Obama) begins, the movement is often subverted by The Powers That Be or undermined by The Money Men—and Women, see, I was inclusive—to be diluted and reformulated to serve their own interests.
It’s also a great way for governments to flash their underlying totalitarianism.
It’s also a great way for The Powers That Be and The Money Men to consolidate their power and wealth while the populace is mesmerized by the flames of the so-called revolutionaries.
The future of revolutions is small, local and community based.
If you find value in my work, please contribute….
And, as always,
Stay Cynical, My Friends.