Star Unhappy: Editor Disappointed

Chicago – The Daily Cynic, after receiving from “Ally McBeal” star Portia DeRossi, what the editor had expected to be an acceptance of an invitation to join him in a three week Caribbean “nude cruise” on the Cynic’s new 12 foot schooner, the “Yeah Right”, was surprised to learn that in actuality, the letter was in fact a scalding reprimand to the recent coverage the paper had given the actress. While the Cynic does not normally make it a practice to print  correspondence from it’s admirers, we felt a lovely, intelligent woman such as Ms. DeRossi deserved the right to be heard. The following is a letter received by our Chicago based basement this morning:

Editor
The Daily Cynic
23 Skeptic Ct.
Chicago, IL

Portia Bertha DeRossi
XXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXX
Newport Beach, CA

Dear Sir,

I must confes that I have until recentlie been one of only a few sapporters of your publicaci  newspaper. I didn’t mind when you reported on the incidint involving Paul McNigal and me, but I don’t feel it was write for you to print the storey about the acsident thing that happened with my hare. I don’t think George Jefersen crossed the Potomick to fite indians just to give you the write to violet pepuls pryvasy tell about imbarasin  personol things like that. In addicion Also, I have to tell you that I wont be abel to go on the cruse with you untill you apolajiz say your sorry. I am very angri with you. I have to go now to practise for the next epis show.

Siserly
Respectivly
Yours Truley

Portea

While the Cynic respects Ms. DeRossi's opinions, and continues to admire her stunning beauty, the editor, shortly after reviewing her letter this afternoon, discovered mechanical difficulties with the main sail of the vessel, which had fallen, resulting in the necessary cancellation of the island excursion anyway. Said the editor, "I've been concentrating very hard on the problem, but I'm afraid I just won't be able to get it up for the cruise"